Fifty Shades


Some people are really nice, some people could be damn mean. That's a common thing. It happens everywhere. You can find any type of human being, anywhere. Even some people could be stimultaneously kind and evil. And I think it is so normal. We're human after all. If we were all kind, we'd be angels If we were pure evil, we'd be demons.

In my 19 years life, I've been hurt. I've felt hate and disappointment to people around me. I know I should not hate, but I'm just an ordinary self. I met the best people as well, of course. And I love them. Probably I love them too much and they might be uncomfortable if they knew. I love people but I sometimes hateh them. Sometimes I wanna have a company or just simply hang out to the coolest party ever but at the same time, I wanna be alone.

Awkwardness and over-thinking are always my main issues. I can't blend immediately. I just wanna be brave and get things out of my head, but something holds me to do that. I hate myself for that. But I also love myself. One think that I believe is we have to love ourselves before anything else. Maybe that keeps me positive. It keeps me being me. Different, but instead to show the world, I'm being invisible. But one thing that bothers me, being invisible is not me.

Somewhere on my path, I learned something important about people. They attack those who are special. When someone is being nice to one person, they might being mean to another. There's one time where I met this super cool girl who I adore because she has things I didn't have. Our ways are not the same, but we met each other anyway. She hangs out with the Quinn Fabray kind of girls and guys. I'm in the Rachel Berry circle. When her friends teased my friends and I, she watched. She wasn't mean, but you know what they say about evil: there are two kinds of evil, those who actually do the bad things and those who doesn't do anything when they see bad things. But one day, she was alone and I was with my friend and she gave us tiramisu chocolate. I know she forgot about this already. But I always remember that. And 'til this piece is written, I never know whether I like her or not. To be honest, she still came to my mind now and then and I'm thinking would we be bestfriends if someone re-written destiny?

I agree of the idea that you shouldn't let the dark side of the moon avoid you from admire the beauty of bright, full moon. Because we aren't flawless. In fact, flaws actually the part of the beauty. Flaws make us learn to accept and fulfil each other.
I'm not gonna be a hypocrite, there's a time when I hate someone because what they did to me. I mean, I knew them and I chose not to befriend them but I shouldn't hate. Now I'm being bitch to the bitches and I wonder, is the table turned and now I'm the bad guy? And I especially don't like it when people I like starts to "hang out" with those I don't. I know I should not be like that. People change, and who knows, probably they found something in common that make them stay together? I guess that's my biggest flaw. I'm not the protagonist character after all. But really, who is?

I think I generally love people. That's what make me disappointed and ended up with hatred. Heart is a fragile little thing that can be destroyed anytime by any feeling, even something so irrational. But that's why brain and heart are seperated. Because feeling is mindless and rational thought can't tame what you feel. But it's a perfect combination to make us human. Human can't be perfect but we can be a better person.

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