Note to Self

This is the end. This is the beginning. This is the door of Wonderland and we’re leaving it behind. I know it sucks. The time is keep ticking and we’re running out of it. Two decades. That’s not a short time, at least not for us. It is enough to change you from a girl in Snow White dress to a girl who stare behind the window and understand things. I’m quite proud of us. So what are we gonna do now? I don’t know what is waiting on the next page. There are so much spoilers about life but none of them can really prepare us. Life is way too slick. It has different fate for every creatures. I don’t know whether the past gonna affect the future. All we have is now. All we have is us. The universe is way too regal and glorious to stop for a minute and celebrates our two decades of existence. We know nothing. The universe gonna keep going on moving in the most mysterious way, leaving us here with choices. Oh decision, decision...  every choices have its excitement, beauty, and treacherous secrets.

Go on, be afraid. It is my job to be brave. The fear grew as they came crushed our walls to pieces. But you can be weak and fragile. You can cry yourself to sleep like a sucker. My job is to keep us standing on our feet. To stay still in the middle of hurricane. All you need is work with me. Listen to me when I told you to do something. This can only work if you cooperating.

Go on, be stupid. Be sinful. Don’t be perfect, please keep us humanly. Go fly to the deepest ocean, go dive in the highest star. Fuck the world and do what you wanna do. Try things, new things, bad things. It is my job to sit there and think. To be sensitive. To be wise in the best way we can do. All you need to do is open your eyes, ears, and heart. Learn with me. Absorb new lessons and be better. Once you fell in a hole, find another hole to fall.
Go on,  fall deeply in love and be idiot. Jump off a cliff in the name of Eros. Oh love, it is hiding in the most unexpected places and slap our face when we are  not ready. But who cares? Go on, get hurt. Feel the bittersweet ride. Stab your heart and bleed horribly. Yes! Heart is meant to explore and experience, not to be put in a sealed box ‘til it get shrink and dusty. Don’t worry, it is my job to be though and sensible. To teach you recognize feelings and make us mature. You have to listen to me. You have to follow me when I pull you out of misery. We’re experiencing, not just stuck in one point and be useless.

Go on, be awkward and confuse. Be alone in your cave. You won’t hear things. All quiet and cozy. Be friendless. Because you can’t trust anybody but me. But us. You and I are the only one we can rely. But it is my job to bring us out and see the sunlight. To smile and feel the warmth. To remind us to be grateful for people around. To love and be loved. To, once again, learn and learn again. To get loose a little and enjoy. To believe. To live.

Dear, this is Hecate’s crossroads. We chose to be happy. Even the choice have a consequence. So let’s just run and fuck it. Let’s be dumb but smart enough to win what we want, what we need. Smart enough to feel dumb so we’re gonna move one step ahead everytime.

Two decades, dear. We survived that long and we’re fine. We’re going to fight again.

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