The Sky

Eye in The Sky - Unknown Artist

One morning I woke up, curled my skinny body deeper under my blanket for five more minutes before finally left the bed. It was just a usual morning. I put on eyeliner and mascara because they remind you not to show your tears. I wore a long cardigan, boots, and scarf. Because it was one cold morning and the sky looked gray and sad. I know that soon enough, it will cry.

The sky was the one that tell the truth. The sky is never lie.

They stares at me like I have no feeling. Not that I care, I learned a hard way that I can’t belong. No matter how perfect I blend in, I always stand out. I’m okay with it. It’s the only living way I know. I survived so long. That isn’t matter. Everything I want to control was under my grip. I ignore things that aren’t important on my list and let them bounced after they touched me.

Unfortunately ,the sky then pours its agony and disenchanted me. It looks miserable as Nyx even though it was noon. 

The sky helps me receive and perceive. It embarrasses me how the sky tells me to stop denying. The thing is, I hate being controlled by feelings, especially those I can’t recognize. It scares me that I almost can’t paint words to be okay again. So I started to deny feelings. I don’t let something so absurd ruin me. Oh but what a huge mistake I made, the most dangerous thing to do is refuse to feel. Deep down there inside my soul I know what happened. I just keep on refusing ‘til it slowly wrecked me from the inside.

It is you. The earth damped in sky’s sadness, created your favorite smells. The smells that remind me of you.

You are the explanation of everything. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I see the light in you since the first time we met, even before our first conversation. I fell for you deeper days by days, stories by stories, even though I didn’t realize at the time. When I realized what happened, I'm in a total shock. You are Odysseus. No matter how bad I want you to stay, no matter how beautiful lullabies I sing for you, you wouldn’t stay. It’s unfortunate that I am not your Penelope. I’m not the home you’re longing for when you are away. I am Calypso, forever trapped in Ogygia all by myself, surrounded by beauty and lovely things yet being so lonely. It almost feel like a curse for me. This is not even as simple as the piece of story from Greek Myth for us. It’s much complicated. You are beautiful and horrible, a fearless creature who forever I can’t handle. I will never be ready for you.

You are everything I wanna be. I envy and adore you in the same time. I wish your aura enveloped me. Everything I dream, you live it. Everything I want to achieve, you are always one step ahead. Everything I yearn, you were born with them. All these things are unbearable but I don’t mind suffering. It’s ironic how you alone are the reason why I lost my sanity and simultaneously are my remedy. I am sorry.

The sky is mocking me for being such a coward. Maybe it mad at me because I ripped its body by being a skyscraper. But even the most well-built skyscraper can have malformation.

I wish I were brave as the sky. I am not. Then I just hope I can explore and find out the secret. How could sky be that strong. How it can show its tears to the world but no one ever thought that it is the sign of weakness. I want to dive in its depth and break the mystery. I want to peek underneath the cover. I want to know the truth about showing truth.

The sky is much like you. You are layered and full of secrets.  They are rotten and wonderful.  But I’ll take it all if you willing to explore the sky with me. Stay. Please stay so I can make you your favorite cup of tea as the rain pouring down. You love rain, and we know why it is raining. The sky never refuse to feel.

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