2013: A Skyscraper

Photographed  and Edited by Mira Hasyyati (2013)
Two-thousand-and-thirteen was a skyscraper. It was tall and magnificent, the first sight left your mouth hang open from its pride and greatness. Then after awhile, it felt boring, stiff, and saturated.

I entered the huge entrance with such a joy. It was beautiful and I was so ready to start over. I got the best people around and I was in a total control. I stood there in the foyer, admired the beginning of everything. Positive energy was dancing in the air, in my body, in me.

The skyscraper is way too tall I couldn’t see where it touched the sky.

Here we go, as the elevator doors closed, we live the year.

1st Floor: Leaving Andalasia, Clueless in New York.
I lived somewhere entirely new. I grew up in a place where palm trees and mountains sync in the same harmony. I used to the smell of freshly mowned-grass on the third Sunday every month. I have to leave the place. I was adapting to the new environtment. Here, Apollo decided to burned the pavements in the afternoon and I couldn’t see when the sun left to the other side of the earth. It felt like leaving a fairytale book. It reminded me that princesses are not those who wait for their princes in a tower. Princesses are those who left the tower by their own and see the world.

13th Floor: Behind the Aura.
I am a girl who lived behind the aura. In the skyscraper, I found out that it’s okay to get loose a little. Using my weaknesses as my strength. Turn the agony into something beautiful. I let people see me naked. I let people peek underneath the cover. It felt great releasing the cork. It felt good doing the detoxification. I let them in to my most personal spot through the colors of words.

20th Floor: Scheiße
I left adolescent year but I know I am eternally young. For being young doesn't mean you are fool and spoil. But being young means you can always have fun in the toughest situation. For never loose the sensitivity. For having your heart passionate and burn. To enjoy every party. To live the fullest and never ran out of idea. To take every opportunity that knocked your door. To be mature in head, child in heart. Just fuck it and do it. I could dance without somebody there.

28th Floor: The Court Room.
Themis, the titanesses of justice, extended her hands to me and help me survived. It wasn’t enough for me to actually win the case or win my father’s smile. but she did help me stepped on the stairway of knowledge. It made me use my brain more, knowing I rely to my feelings most of the time. And I realized that this is gonna be useful, not only to survive the academic life, but also surviving life.

29th Floor:  The Land of Misfit Toy.
I always think that it is ironic how Aphrodite, the goddess of love, and Ares, the god of war, can share a passionate affair together. but then I realized that love and hate always come in a package.

You are the one who made me a better person, the one who  inspires me, the one who made me forgive. Because of you I am braver. You pulled me out of the box. And I always kind of blame you for destroying me when in fact, I’m destructing myself. I am destructing myself because of you. I am so selfish, and so are you. We are too much alike and we know that a fork need a spoon, not another fork. Katniss needs Peeta, not Gale. We are way too different that we don’t vibrate in the same frequency, and we know that you can’t wear plaid shirt and striped pants together. I have a strong feeling that you might misinterpreted all the things I did.

You didn’t do anything, seeing you is like watch a movie. The character doesn’t do anything that directly changes you, but they inspired you and makes you envy at the same time. You simultaneously adore and hate them. That’s how I see you. You can leave or come back, and I’ll stay. I chose to stay not for you, but for me. I will no longer crushing myself. I hate you as much as I love you.

33th Floor: Take Me To Your Leader
In the skyscraper, I have a bunch of people to lead. They look at me for advices, they look at me for what to do. But I can't even put myself together and I am so ashamed of that. I love what I am doing in our small house. I love every member of the family. I can't blame anyone for what happened to me or inside me. But I chose to see the brightside and I know that experiences are great for you. They might be so painful but you are stronger than you know.

150th Floor: Party in The Circus.
Friends from the past, present, and future are gathered together. It is funny how those who I almost forgot, came along once again. They decided to once again got in the elevator to spent the rest of their time in the skyscraper with me. Those who I thought gonna stay, decided to take another elevator, as if our presence together would be too much. I didn’t actually surprised. Some are just simply jerks, some are too much alike with me. Seeing them is like seeing into the mirror and we were too powerful if we stayed together.

There are some who stand beside me from the beginning to the end. I couldn’t be more grateful to have them as a shield but also a sword to tell me if I’m wrong. They make me a better person and they completed me. They are not only a nice friends to hang around, but also a hors d’oeuvre to my soul.

Rooftop: Midnight to Dawn
The elevator stopped at the highest floor. The rooftop. This is the end. We found a new beginning at the end. I am on the top but even the skyscraper aren’t enough to let my fingers reach my star. Here, I can see the line where the sun and the moon meet and make love. I can see where I am going. Here, I am on the highest place in the city and I’m gonna scream. I’ll let the city hear me.I remember standing in the middle of the foyer, so ready to conquer the skyscraper before it scattered me to pieces with a first-class pain. But, they forgot that even though energy cannot be created, it never actually die. I don’t know what is waiting in 2014, but I know it’s gonna be a tragicomedy as always. Fear is normal, and I'm gonna try not to be controlled by it.

A circle doesn’t have a beginning or an end, and this is a circle. The circle. This is where the beginning meets the end. This is where the dreams left your unconscious scene.

I have enormous fireworks with me, and I am ready. Are you?

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