Tell Me Why

Lana Del Rey - Ride music video. Directed by Anthony Madler
They said it took nine days and nine nights to reach the bottom of Tartarus. In the bottom, agony rolled up with misery is waiting. Oh, what do you expect? It’s the hell, anyway.

But I have falling for I don’t know how many days. I don’t know what’s waiting in the bottom. I don’t even know what kind of pit I fell into.

I’m confused. I’m clueless. 

One second everything’s fine, but then in a blink of an eye, you shoved me out of your path. Before I knew it, I keep on falling in this dark, mysterious pit. I don’t have any fuckin’ idea about what just happened or what is gonna happen. God, I hate the feeling of falling with nothing to hold on. I wasn’t ready. 

I called your name so many times. In whispers. In shouts. I thought you didn’t do it in purpose, I thought you were just lost a brief seconds of control to your mind, but then even until now you haven’t throw a rope for me to climb back to your side.

You know, it is fine for me if at least you explain what happened. Tell me if I did something wrong so everything can be fixed immediately. But no, you didn’t tell me anything. You just cut me out of your life, perplexed. I don’t know what do you want. Or what did I do. I am completely puzzled.

I am wondering about how the way you treat me in the last few days and I can’t see what’s wrong. Is it because I’m blind? Is it because YOU are blind? I can’t see the dark in you and you can’t see the light in me, which is ironic.

Is it because I said or did or even wrote something that crushed your barely healed heart?
Is it because I said or did or even wrote something that offends or sadden you?
Is it because I am no longer fun to be around?
Is it because you heard stories about me and somehow believed them?
Is it because you no longer trust me for some reasons?
Is it because all this time our friendship is just an illusion?

Wait.... are we living in real world? Is it real life?

Is it because you found new exciting people to hang out with so you don’t need me anymore?
Is it because you think Aphrodite takes control my feelings when she actually didn’t?
Is it because you’re secretly a werewolf, and you just found out about it so you have to stay away from your friends?
Is it because you are a wanted terrorist so you pushed me away for my safety?
Is it because it’s you who is actually an international spy agent and you need to change your identity?
Is it because your mind being hijacked by Tracker Jackers and they convinced you that I am your enemy?
Is it because you’re cursed by some ancient goddess to forget me?
Is it because you hit your head too hard and got partial amnesia?

I’m wondering and keep falling in confusion pit. I am not blaming myself, I don’t blame you. I don't want any of us to stain the road we've passed together. But even if this is where we have to go our separated way, I just want to understand. Would you even bother to tell me why. I thought you were a truth-teller. You are so much better than this, dear friend.

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