Portals

all illustrations by Rizki Bagus Satria
There are too many perspectives in this world. Way, way too many ‘til we couldn’t be sure about what is true and what is not. Abundant perspectives about the world itself makes me wonder: is this universe we live in huge or small? I mean there are layered skies and galaxies and the human race is nothing compare to them. But then, one person and another person that never actually bump into each other are actually connected through some people, it feels like the world we live in is no more than one tiny planet.

I like to wander around, watching things as they moved in their cycle, kept everything as it should be. I would dance between the stars or follow the wind as if they had answers to all my questions.

But, if we find the answers. Then what?

I think it’s best to answer questions with another questions, and that’s how we evolving and find out those secrets that’s been hidden behind perspectives. What are those secrets? Definite truth? Well, I don’t know and probably will never know. But that’s what makes this journey interesting.

So I’m gonna tell you about my journey to taste the smallest part of those secrets. This is probably yours, too and you just didn’t realize it yet. So, even though I’m still not sure about how big this world is, I’m pretty certain that inside this uncertainty we live in, are exist many different worlds. I think it is one interesting fact we could believe in, that inside the world we are quiet familiar of and the scientists are constantly learn, there are lots and lots of another worlds.

See, we are spinning around portals. Those portals are the reason why there would always be a new stuff to learn, to discover, to help us evolve as a human being. Some are easy enough to be opened, some are shut tightly. Even there are windows, we can see what’s inside but we would never get in. I wanna tell you about some worlds I have visited. Sure I couldn’t tell you about every single world I’ve entered, but if you had a quite enough time you can sit back and relax, probably sipping a cup hot chocolate in a windy afternoon while you read this.




DOOR 1 – TO BE MATURE.
The first door I knocked on belonged to a tall girl with dark skinned. She smiled a lot and fell in love easily. Even after the first knock, she opened her door widely for me. Everything in her world was pastel colored. It was warm and inviting. When all I wanted to do was dreaming and playing cards, she’d be cooking and telling me about her crushes. I didn’t know what it’s like to fell for another person. I didn’t know what it’s like to be responsible for a family dinner. We were in same age but it felt like having an older sister being in her world. I looked up at her for wise advices and shoulder to cry on. But then, when I started to think my own thought and stood on my own feet, she slowly guided me to the door where I entered and sent me out. She shut her door tightly and locked it. Until now, I did not know anymore what is inside or how was she doing.

I was mad at her. I probably still am.

DOOR 2 – TO NOT SHOW YOUR WEAKNESS
I didn’t realize that I even got in this gloomy, cold world. When I realized where I’m at, I dived in too deep and probably I’d never see the door I’ve passed through ever again. Being in this world was tiring. Megrims and mopes were swirling around me all the time. Even on my brightest days, being here could dim my light. But as I said, I was here for way too long and I grew to love the occupant of the door. Her door was one of the first doors I’ve visited and her world was becoming part of me. This world constantly reminded me that you should not offer such a dark place for your guests, and reminded me about things you should be grateful of, that second chances do exist, that imperfections are part of being patient. I was thinking to leave when I realized the worst flaw of it but then it’d be so selfish to leave. Her world might be horrible but she needed someone to make it a bit brighter. And I am staying for her.

I am staying for me because I learned that love should be ingenuous.

DOOR 3 – TO BE WISE
His door was the cutest of them all. It was full of fluffy creatures painted on it in all the colors you think weren’t exist. Entering his world is like entering an amusement park. You know, the smell of apple candy and joyful music filling the air. Talking to him was never dull. There were always new stories to be told, new pictures to be drawn, new rides to be explored. With him there were always new ideas to be executed. He was so good at welcoming his guests, but I was lucky enough to visit his room. He was a melancholic creature that like to sit alone at his window to watch sunset. Even our silence meant so much. He was fragile but simultaneously strong. He was calm, so calm that he could extinguished my flame. It was him who taught me to not see anything as black and white, that there were so much colors could be discover (as much as the colors of his door). It was him who taught me to open my eyes to those plenteous perspectives and try to place ourselves in those perspectives. To be true even when other people wearing their masks. And he made me realize that we are the lucky ones to be able to do these things.

He left his door wide open for me. I still visit him every once and then.

I wish he’d never lock the door for me because his world was one of the best.

DOOR 4 – TO HAVE FUN (SAFELY)
Her door was so ordinary I didn’t though I’d even approach it. But then she spent too much times with me that we visited each others’ world. I found out that she was a demon crawling out of hell but also a guardian angel. She pulled me in gossips, cruel commentaries, dirty jokes and I enjoyed them a lot. The best thing about her is she accepted me fully for who I am and vice versa. I could scream, curse, and even sing my lungs out in her world and no one would complain. One my favorite thing about her is she was kinda my opposite. When I involved feelings most of the time, she concealed it and used her brain. See how perspectives were so intriguing? We could talk about one same thing over and over from lots of different perspectives and that’s how we learn a so much. I kept her human and she kept me sane. We were different and similar enough to stick together. If this weren’t the best friendship I didn’t know what was.

I’m glad I could give a little complexion to her rigid world. I’m grateful that she helped organize my super chaos world.

Her world is somewhere I would never desire to live in, but our friendship is something I would never desire to give in.

DOOR 5 – TO KNOW WHAT IS GOOD AND WHAT IS NOT FOR YOU 
He knocked my door, but then it was me who got within his world. My God, if his world wasn’t exquisite, I don’t know what was. Being inside was like being in a maze, and at every bend there was always something to discover. He himself was built from layers and I was dumbfounded with what I found in every layer. That was how much he fascinated me. One time I said to myself that I wouldn’t leave his world. Ever. It was a fast and intense run in there. New stuff and unusual ideas followed us. I got lost in his world. I got lost in him. He pulled me out my own realm and showed me incredible things I had never imagined.

Suddenly he took me to his front door and kicked me out. Left me wandering around in the dark, clueless, tried to mend the pieces of myself. It was a hard time for me. They said I lost myself but I didn’t. I was just too broken to function. This was probably why I’m stuck in blackness, choosing not to open my door to random people.
By time I learned the reasons why those things happened between us were happened. As time went by I forgave and did not forget. Maybe he did the same time.

As much I want to knock his door once more just to see how he was doing, I did not do it. We both left our doors unlocked for each other just in case fate brought our paths together in the future.

Right now, we were in an intersection and we chose different way.

DOOR 6 – TO REALIZE AND TO BE BRAVE
This was the beginning. I still stood at the entrance, had not really drown myself in his world. I didn't know whether he'd give me the permission or not. I just met him and I guess he let me in. Slowly.
Because that’s what I was doing, open my door and let him in. Slowly.


But even this new start has created lots of thoughts in my head. About what I want to do and what I want to be. He whispered me the secrets about these portals. You think how did I realize that all this time I’ve been traveled between the worlds? I didn’t see it coming at all. I thought that his world was ordinary. Pleasing but nothing special. But look! That is why we should not judge something based on our own perspective.

There are lots more undiscovered doors, because there are lots of new people we had not met yet, and everyone is a door to their own world. That is how we learn. Feel their experiences by peeking at their worlds, explore them if we’re lucky enough.

That made me wonder: Do we need to let them enter our world?

It is another choice. But isn’t it rude not to invite your guest in? And isn’t it careless to let strangers hold the key to our house?

And that is why stranded in the front of his door was probably a gift for me. I could not wait to explore his world, and knocking on other doors. Those undiscovered portals waiting to be penetrated. I might get hurt or witness an unimaginable brume, but then again how could I discover new form of joy if I didn’t dare to try? 

“To travel between the worlds is F U N” He said.

I had not express my gratitude toward him yet, but I think this story is a part of it.


Special Thanks to:
Fabila Mahadira for encouraging me to knock on more doors. Promise me we'll be braver. Guess which one is your door in this post.
Rizki Bagus Satria for letting me using your marvelous paintings in this post, and for having me in your world. I love you dearly.

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