Wearing veils to cover our hair (neck, and covering other body part that is considered as aurat) is an obligation for muslim women. This writing is not about justification on muslim women’ choices, the command itself, or judgmental critics for any of woman. If in the future, this writing bring some kind of polemic regarding my choice (or other women’s), I’d set the post private. I think it’s a story on how I decided to wear hijab, and it is probably your story, too.
Honestly, I hesitated a bit when I write and share this. Talking about my relationship with God and my spiritual journey is not my thing, I like to keep it very personal. But on the other side, I got questions about my decision. I don’t know if people really do care, desperate for inspirations, or simply involving too much in other people business. I don’t owe anyone an explanation and I know that I am that one girl who less likely to wear hijab in such a young age, but well, I feel like I need to share my story and thoughts for those who might get through things like me.
To say that I am an obedient muslim, is exaggerating. I am not. I questioned things I should’ve not and I missed obligatory salah every now and then. My faith was there sometimes, but it wasn’t the other times. One thing that I always do, though, I talk to God. Everyday. Everytime. Maybe you could call it a prayer or such. I’m only certain that He is there, listening and helping me in every situation. It is something that I believe strongly.
So when last Ramadan almost came to its end, I was watching the moon from my house’ rooftop, my personal ritual I do frequently (here is where decisions being made, where poems amd stories being written, fyi). Just that, I decided to wear hijab. Right then, I just feel like it’s a now or never decision. I want to stop wander around. Maybe at the time God smacked me in the face and brought me to a realization, the sign that He loves me no matter in what situation I am in. I get it if you frown in confusion right now, well I don’t know how to explain it any better. Even if I know, I wouldn’t write it in great details since, as I said, I like to keep those things personal. But here is something that you might want to ponder: you can only feel God’s presence (or any greater power that you believe) when you shut your head and think with your heart. God is never sleep, it’s our heart that sleeps sometimes so He could not contact us. Imagine your heart as a cellphone, no matter how many times someone call you, you wouldn’t answer if it shut down.
The experience I went through that night, brought me to a decision. To put it roughly, let’s say that I want to learn to be a better muslim. Since I see nothing wrong with Islam, but I see mistakes in myself. That is start with a hijab.
Women who wear hijab are brave. Truly bold. They are as brave as those girls who wear their first bikini. Those girls who decided to get a tattoo. Those girls who declare their love to another girl. Those girls who decided to be a man. And all other brave girls. Because wearing hijab as a fulltimer come with its own consequences. I am lucky, I guess that I live in a country where it is so common to see women wearing hijab. But even it needs courage because cute hairstyles, badass outfits, hot weather, etc. It needs strength because people got their standards about how a girl who wear hijab should behave, and once we act opposing those standards, they’d put bad label on us and talk about it endlessly. In other side, it is sadden me that a piece of veil on our heads makes some girls feel like they are better than other girls. They started talking about those who doesn’t cover their aurat, calling them sinful and stuff, forgetting that if we really wanna talk about sin, talking bad about other people is also a sin. Also, people don’t actually accept women who wear hijab completely, even here in my country. Some find trouble getting a job and those people wearing hijab on local TV? They don’t really wear hijab in daily basis. In other places, they pity women who wear hijab because they think we are force to use it, when we actually chose to wear it like they chose to dyed their hair blond and wear a backless top. No one force us to wear it and we just do it because we wanted to. Just because our choices are different, it doesn’t mean that there is right and wrong.
Me, I am probably not the bravest. I doubt myself? Yes, I do. Not only if I’m brave enough wearing hijab, but lots of other stuff as well. While I’m here still learning, there are girls who are lucky enough to wear hijab since they are child and those who doesn’t have to question anything. Lucky enough to have hijab to be a part of their local tradition so it is easier to fit in. But I guess, the point of being human is progressing. People will always gonna talk about you whether you do good or bad. So I think it is the best to just progressing due your own standards and beliefs.
Hijab or veil is just a piece of cloth that cover your hair, and I still don’t think anyone should value anyone based on what they wear. If today someone decided to wear hijab, the next day she decided to take it off, then so what? If someone feel comfortable on wearing shorts and crop top, well go wear it. Reminding others about good deed is nice, but it’s a total different thing from interfering other people’s business. Especially when it comes to faith.
For me, wearing hijab as a fulltimer is a quite huge decision, it is a small step to be better, to follow what I believe and be responsible about it. I don’t know what will come tomorrow that will affect my other decisions, or even if I changed my mind about this very decision about being a fulltimer hijabi. I guess it is my personal matters and no one should decide for me. So, you can wear hijab, niqab, chador, burqa, shorts, t-shirts, even go naked if you think it’s appropriate. We are more than what we wear.
This writing is dedicated to all girls who are brave enough to choose their own way. We are the world's most enchanting jewel because we chose to be it.