A Midnight Ride



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The black car stopped right in front of my door. My eyes opened abruptly to the sound of its rumbling engine. I know I should just go back to sleep, let the dream allure me deeply into a soothing slumber. Instead, I got up off my bed and went to the door. It was you driving the car. That supposed to be enough for me to refuse when you told me to get in, but I got in anyway.


Three in the AM and we breaking the sky, paying a visit at things I already kissed goodbye.
And it’s almost two years since the failure of my flight
I built a stronger wings, wrote a new song to sing, and having my best upswing.

Looking at you, I think you are skinnier than our last encounter, all skin and bones. Funny how the horrific appearance didn’t even make me shudder a bit. Then I realized, I forgot how did you look before. 

I forgot about so many things. I forgot how you like your coffee and whether you like wasabi on your sushi or not. I don’t remember who was your first crush. I couldn’t even recall the color of your breath.

Then you asked me if I still into those guyliners in pop-punk bands and do I still like to play Polly Pockets. So you know, I’m still repeating those pop-punk bands on my playlist even though some of them are broken up already. I still squeal in excitement everytime I see the guys from those bands even though they no longer pulled-off eyeliner and emo-fringes. I still keep my Polly Pockets even though all the figurines were gone and those tiny houses are empty now. 

Time come with alteration, growth brought comprehension. 
At this very moment, being who I was and still am, adapting so well. 

But this ride felt familiar. The highway and the breezy wind blew my hair.

“Your hair reached your waist already. It is so much longer than before.” You whispered.

I secretly can’t even remember the texture of yours. So I let out my very first question of the night, “Where are we going exactly?”

“Past.”

“But which part?” 

“The golden days.” 

If I was born as a genius, I’d invent the Time Machine in the shape of a car so we could do many midnight-to-morning ride anytime we want. Just you and me. Nobody has to know what are we doing. Our only witness are flashlights under the blanket, table for two in lousy diner, and cheap bottles of wine. Couldn’t care less if the temple where we made out forgive our guilt or if we high in our formals. 


I stole a small glance at you. Your eyes sunken and your skins stick directly to your bones. I could see your cheekbones and jawline even more incisive now. Your darkened complexion and those black eyes. I can’t remember you, but I remember why we didn’t see each other for a while. I know the explanation to your now terrifying mien.

I savored your presence too much. I was buried so deep in your charm. 

It was you who showed me that we don’t need to be alone. That nobody deserve to be alone. You introduce me to the scent of chanson, the sounds of splendor scenery, the vision to tipsify fragrant. Something that would never end if we chose not to end it, as this ride I wish would never cease. You offer me perpetual youth. 

“Can you stop here?” I asked. 

“But why? Aren’t we having fun? The fun that will never end?” 

And that is the reason why. As much as I love you, we eat up on each other. You are the poison running in my veins, I am infamy for your existence. Together, we are one huge chaos. 

You destroyed me. 

All of the sudden you stopped the car, in the middle of the road. You ran your hand in your hair in disbelief and looked at me straight in the eyes. I smiled tranquilly seeing your mixed emotion: rage and understanding. Disenchantment and realization.

“We need to stop clinging to the younger days. We need to leave our heavy suitcases behind so it’d be easier to move forward.” 

Silence swallowed the air and thoughts locked our lips. Not even a single word managed to escape our mouth. I stared at you, tried to catch details I forgot about you. I hate your skeleton figure, maybe someday you’d be back to your better shape. I’m gonna be here even if things wouldn’t be exactly the same. History never repeat itself. 

I didn’t ask you to take me back home. I should thank you for abduct me in the middle of a dream, though. At any chance, forgetting is not a choice and tears need their way out sometimes. I kissed your cheek before help myself getting out of the car, it’s better for me to walk on my own back. Any direction is just the same now, everything is changing. The only thing that would remain are those polaroid pictures we took some random day in the middle of summer.

Forever young or growing older just the same,
All the memories that we make will never change*.

You waved at me and smirked before stepped on the gas pedal, leaving me alone under a million stars. Maybe I left you first, maybe we left simultaneously. But that is the right thing to do, because what I want is not momentarily joy, but a verily happiness. Let’s end the after dark and give a time for dawn to arrive. 

This is not permanent separation as I am still just the same old me. Even if season changed I’d still subdued to your temptation. Of course I’d rock more parties with you. You are not the best for me and I am not one for you, but we are a picture that got so fade ‘til we can’t tell who is on it, but we know how and when it was taken.
 

I only hope the next time I step into your wheels, we’ll define the fun and not otherwise.


*Lyrics from Golden Days by Panic! at The Disco

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